


Take what you can and leave me to the wolves

by smaragdbird



Series: Everything was my choice [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, brendol's not as powerful as he made himself out to be, learning to live after being disowned by his father, past implied incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:31:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7574140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his father disowned him, Hux needs to learn how to live his life again, without the influence that shaped him so far</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take what you can and leave me to the wolves

The bacta had erased everything as it had always done. The skin on his back was smooth and his wrists unblemished. He bore no mark of shame, no trace of his worthlessness, no stain of failure on his body.

They told him it had been touch and go for a while and he found himself wishing that he had died. Everything would’ve been better than living like this.

It was only a matter of days before his disgrace would become public, before he was relieved of his command and cast out. He had nowhere to go after that. His father had disowned him. And without his father he was nothing.

“Hux.” It was Kylo. Of course it was Kylo. Who else could it be?

“That’s not my name. Not anymore.”

“Your father was wrong. You have to see that now.”

“You know nothing.” How could he understand? He had been raised amidst chaos and uncertainty. And Kylo had pulled him into that as well, into this maelstrom with no escape.

“He abused you. He raped you. He tried to kill you.”

“As it was his right. He raised me. He taught me. He always had my best interest in mind. For all of this the only thing he wanted from me was obedience. And I denied him that. For you.” The last two words hung in the air like an accusation.

“If you could change it, would you choose differently?”

He met Kylo’s eyes without hesitation. “Yes.”

/

They wanted to keep him in the infirmary for longer but he refused. There was no need to prolong the inevitable. He needed to get his papers in order before his replacement arrived. 

One of the droids brought him a fresh uniform and he took a moment to run his hands over the stiff, dark fabric. He had spent his entire life in this uniform and he had no idea who he was without it, what he would do now that he would no longer be a part of the First Order. 

He shook his head at his self-pity and began getting dressed. His limbs felt stiff from the long immersion in bacta and the following bed rest. But when he walked onto the bridge he let nothing of that show. He wouldn’t allow himself to show any weakness just because he was being relieved of his duty.

Silence descended on the room when he entered and he could feel everyone’s eyes on him. They probably all knew and whatever respect they had once had for him would be long gone by now.

Mitaka approached him, a holo-pad in his hand. “Good morning, sir.”

“Good morning, Lieutenant”, he replied.

“I...I have a report, sir. About the remaining ships and troops we have.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s um…it’s good to have you back, sir”, Mitaka said as he gave Hux the report. It was strange that he still the respect of the soldiers as if nothing had happened. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant”, Hux replied.

“Supreme Leader Snoke also sent a message. He’d like to see you as soon as you’re back on duty”, Mitaka added.

Privately Hux doubted that Snoke had used such a polite phrasing.

“Thank you”, he said again. “I’ll be in my office.”

Mitaka gave him a shy smile and went back to his station and work resumed as usual as Hux crossed the bridge to get to his desk. The walls were transparent but could be turned oblique if he desired privacy and they were sound proof as well.

There was a stack of holo-pads on his desk, doubtlessly other reports that his subordinates would expect him to read through. Depending on when his successor would arrive he could leave the reports for them.

For a moment he wondered where Kylo was. He hadn’t seen him since their talk in the infirmary. Hux shook his head. He needed to com Supreme Leader Snoke and not indulge himself. His sentimentality had cost him enough already.

“General Hux”, Snoke greeted him as if nothing had changed. “The Starkiller Base has been destroyed but so has been the Republic’s capital system and most of their fleet. What is your next step?”

He had expected everything but not this.

“I’m sorry, Supreme Leader? I thought you were going to discharge me.”

Snoke raised an eyebrow. “As unfortunate as the loss of the Starkiller has been, I can’t dismiss one of my most capable officers for one mishap. That’d be a waste of resources.”

“Thank you”, he said, swallowing hard through his constricted throat.

“Lord Ren told me you were ill but time is of upmost importance for our next move. I expect your plan by tomorrow, General.”

“Of course, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke’s hologram vanished and Hux stood alone in the room, staring at nothing. A strange feeling was spreading through his chest. Not relief, because he hadn’t had any hope for this outcome, but gratefulness. He had felt the same earlier on when Mitaka had reported to him as if he had still been in charge. Only he was still in charge. Snoke hadn’t dismissed him, hadn’t ordered his execution for the gross mistakes he had made. But how could that be? Why would Snoke still place any trust in him when his father had doubtlessly reported him?

/

He found Kylo in his rooms, sitting on the floor and meditating. He looked so calm and peaceful that Hux had to stop and look at him for a moment. He had never stayed the night and now he wondered if Kylo looked like this when he was asleep.

“You told Supreme leader Snoke I was ill”, Hux said almost accusingly.

Kylo opened his eyes. “Should I have told him the truth?”

“What else did you tell him?” Hux demanded to know.

“Nothing. I reported to him and he asked where you were. I told him you were in the infirmary.”

“You didn’t…you didn’t say anything else?”

“Should I have?”

That made no sense. If Kylo hadn’t spoken for him, out of misguided loyalty due to their affair then there was no reason why Snoke hadn’t discharged and executed him.

“You’re confused”, Kylo said.

“Get out of my head”, Hux snapped.

“I don’t need to be in your head to feel your emotions. You are broadcasting them.”

Hux fought with himself. He wanted to confide in Kylo especially after everything that had happened but at the same time a part of him balked at the idea of showing even more weakness to him.

Kylo waited. He looked strangely at peace. Whatever Snoke had done to finish his training had obviously worked. He seemed a lot more focused than he had been during the hunt for Luke Skywalker’s map.

“I am still in command”, Hux said finally.

“Why shouldn’t you be?”

“Because I messed up. My mistakes cost the First Order the Starkiller Base. And I have no longer my father’s support. The Council should’ve appealed to Snoke for my removal.”

“Your mistakes?” Kylo seemed genuinely amused. “Apart from the failure of FN-2187’s conditioning, how was the Starkiller Base your mistake?”

“I should’ve stationed more troops there. The thermal conductor was an obvious weak point.”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Maybe you could also undo the downfall of the Empire while you’re at it.”

“My father – “Hux started again but Kylo interrupted him.

“Maybe your father doesn’t have as much power as you think.”

/

He was still waiting for the inevitable, waiting to be summoned and executed for his mistakes, his failures. But nothing of that kind ever happened. Instead Snoke approved his plan to attack the Republic with a series of quick attacks and retreats in strategically important places especially over the Hevurion hyperspace route. The Resistance and what was left of the Republic couldn’t be everywhere at once. It’d be a slower death than Hux anticipated at first but sooner or later the Republic would fall. He would make sure of it.

Kylo displayed an unusual focus on whatever task he had been assigned by Snoke. Hux hadn’t dared to ask in his precarious situation. But since Snoke mentioned anything and Kylo kept away from the bridge he assumed that it had nothing to do with his mission to bring about the fall of the Republic. 

Hux had returned to his quarters, refusing to even entertain the thought to change them. They had been cleaned of course and the sheets and the mattress had been replaced. That didn’t stop the nightmares but he wasn’t naive enough to believe that a room change would’ve either.

Still it was one of those nightmares that brought him to Kylo’s door. They hadn’t avoided each other exactly but neither had Kylo suggested they should continue their affair. It had felt as if he had given Hux space, space that he had needed if he was being honest.

The moment after he had knocked the uncertainty hit him. It was the middle of the night. He and Kylo had never talked about their affair. If Kylo didn’t find him despicable for his weakness then he’d turn him away for what Hux had said to him in the infirmary.

“Hux.” Kylo looked surprised to see him. Without the mask on Hux always saw Kylo as vulnerable which was stupid because the mask was just an accessory. And he realised he had missed him, missed this contradictory, annoying man behind the mask.

Hux reached out and touched Kylo’s chest. He hated that he was leaving himself so open and vulnerable to Kylo without even completely understanding why he did it.

“Do you want to come in?” Kylo asked.

Hux nodded and followed Kylo inside. Nothing had changed in the room and he had been stupid to think that it would’ve.

“Do you want – “Kylo started to ask but Hux interrupted him.

“You talk too much”, he said and kissed him.

“You can stay if you want”, Kylo said afterwards.

“I shouldn’t.”

“Do you want to?”

Hux hesitated. He thought about it, and then gave Kylo a tiny nod. He had never stayed before.

Kylo wrapped his arm around Hux’s shoulders and pulled him against his chest. His father would’ve never dreamed of allowing him this kind of intimacy. It was a weakness. Hux almost pulled away and left but then Kylo pressed a kiss to his hair.

“I want to kill your father”, Kylo said. “For what he did to you.”

“We’ve talked about this. What my father did was justified by my behaviour.”

“One day I’m going to convince that you’re wrong.”

Kylo was baying for his father’s blood, he knew that. But Kylo didn’t understand that his father had been completely justified in what he had done. Sheev had disgraced him both in public and in private. That he had been left in command was nothing short of a miracle and he still wasn’t entirely convinced that Kylo hadn’t interfered on his behalf out of misplaced sentimentality.

/

The lone figure in the middle of the room was his father.

“Are you out of your mind?” Hux yelled under his breath, gripping Kylo’s arm. “What is he doing here?”

“I sent my knights to find him and bring him here.”

“This will have consequences Ren”, Hux hissed.

The look Kylo gave him was full of sympathetic pity. “I brought him here so you can free yourself from him.”

“No”, Hux took a step backwards. “Just because you killed your father doesn’t mean I have to kill mine.”

“You don’t have to”, Kylo agreed. “I will if you don’t.”

“Are you insane? My father is on the Council. He’s not someone you can just murder and sweep it under the rug.”

Kylo shrugged. “I have Supreme Leader Snoke’s permission.”

“You’re lying.”

“Ask him if you want”, Kylo replied and held a comlink out to him. 

Hux almost took it but then he pulled his hand back. “I can’t”, he said. “I’m not going to stop you but I can’t.”

“I understand.”

/

“Lord Ren”, even as a prisoner Brendol was unfailingly polite since he recognised Kylo as an equal other than his son.

“Commandant Hux”, Kylo replied. He had never hated anyone so much in his life. He had never experience hatred like this before, so pure and untainted by other emotions. There was none of the anger he had felt for Luke and his students and none of the disappointment and sadness he had felt for his father.

“I assume this is retaliation”, Brendol continued. “Of course it should be me who demands recompensation for defiling what’s mine.”

“He’s your son, not your property.”

“He’s my subordinate”, Brendol corrected him. “And such it was his duty to obey. I would’ve made him emperor. What can you offer him, Lord Ren?”

“Something you never gave him”, Kylo replied. “What? Love?” Brendol laughed mockingly. “Your republican upbringing has never been more obvious. “

“My grandfather brought down the Jedi Order and the old Republic because he loved his wife”, Kylo replied. “And he brought down the empire because he loved his son. If you think love is a weakness, you know nothing.”

“You think my son will be faithful to you? He wasn’t to me, why should be any different? He is weak. That you’re here instead of him only confirms it.”

Kylo looked over his shoulder and saw Hux stand in the doorway. He looked pale, paler than usual and there was slight tremble in his movements. He was trying to put on a mask but to Kylo and to Brendol it was obvious how much the situation affected him, how scared he was.

“I’m assuming you’re here at Lord Ren’s bidding instead of any initiative of your own”, Brendol said but then looked at Kylo. “It couldn’t have been easy to manipulate his mind so that he would obey you instead of me.”

Hux saw through the change of tactic. “He didn’t manipulate me.”

Brendol gave him a cool glance. “How would you know?”

“I know because I am still in command despite your best efforts”, Hux’s voice became stronger with every word. “I proved my merit.”

“You’ve exchanged one master for another. Only I had your best interest at heart. But he? What assurance do you have Lord Ren won’t drop you when it becomes convenient for him?” Brendol sneered.

“I am my own master.”

Brendol snorted. “Sure, believe that if you want. You’ll see the truth soon enough. Now, will you finish it?” But he didn’t look at Hux when he said the last words, he looked at Kylo, who was holding a knife in his hand.

“Go”, Kylo said to Hux. “You don’t need to see this.”

From the corner of his eyes he saw Hux hesitate but then he did as he was told. 

“You’ll always be at the command of better men”, Brendol called after him before Kylo closed the distance between them.

“Gut wounds a nasty way to go”, Kylo said as he pushed the dagger in. “If the person knows what they’re doing, it won’t be the blood loss that gets you. It’ll be the sepsis as all the crap from your intestines seeps into your bloodstream.”

Brendol smiled. “Kill me in whatever way you want, Lord Ren. He was weak. He couldn’t do it himself and he knows it. He’ll be mine forever.”

Kylo’s free hand grabbed Brendol’s hair and twisted his head back. “Hux will belong to himself.”

He turned around abruptly and stalked out of the room, sealing it behind him. Hux was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He was trembling. 

“Is it done?” He asked without looking at Kylo.

“Yes.”

Hux made an abrupt motion, Kylo couldn’t tell if it had been towards the door or towards him but Hux reigned himself in before it became clear. The trembling became stronger. The contradiction of vulnerability and invincibility that Hux managed to project at the same time in the Force had never been stronger. 

“We should return to the Finalizer”, Kylo said and added, “General Hux.”

That, finally, made Hux look at him. Determination was burning through his eyes like fire. “We should, Lord Ren.” And then he turned around sharply and walked away without looking back.

Kylo followed him with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [ here](http://smaragdbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


End file.
